It smelled like Sasuke
by believeitgirl
Summary: It's all his fault, all his fault Sasuke was gone. All his fault he left.  He was too weak, too broken. Half of him was gone and all he wanted was for the shirt he slept in to smell like Sasuke again, he wants him to come home.


"SASUKE!" The Uchiha, fading away in flames, locked eyes with his caller. Those eyes told Naruto so much—so much—he thought he might die just from looking into the black pools.

"Don't leave me." Naruto whispered out, his tears already streaming down his face. "Don't go, Sasuke." No one in the clearing heard his plea, not even the one he was pleading. His blurry vision locked onto those that belonged to the love of his life—onto his best friend—and watched as he faded away into nothingness.

The weight of his head tripled in the nanoseconds it took him to realize that Sasuke—that he was gone, and he let it drop forward in shame, in disappointment… in agony. Sasuke was gone.

Pictures of his soul mate flashed in front of his closed eyes as he sobbed. He remembered the time they accidently kissed before they became team mates, the first time Sasuke smiled him, when he thought Sasuke died in his arms, the accomplishments they shared together, the first time Sasuke purposefully kissed him, holding hands when they were little, the Valley of the End…. All of the memories he had with Sasuke, they were killing him.

"Naruto," He barely heard his name being called and he half paid attention to the speaker. He was so weak! It was his fault Sasuke left, he left because he wasn't strong enough and he won't return because he still isn't strong enough. It was all his fault… his fault Sasuke couldn't show his loved toward him.

It was all his fault….

"…ow." Naruto registered that it wasn't Sakura that was speaking, it was Sai now.

Half because he was angry at himself and half because he knew exactly what Sakura-chan and Sai had just said he wiped his tears, the tears for Sasuke, away and looked up to them. More tears quickly took the place of the ones he just wiped away but he force a big, fake smile and closed his eyes to make it look like he couldn't keep it open from the sheer size of the emotion.

"Hehe, thanks a lot guys." Naruto was very grateful that he didn't keep his eyes open because he knew the sincerity didn't reach his eyes. After his false thanks he let his head fall once again and choke down a sob.

His love left, again, and it was all his fault…. Maybe he should just let Kyuubi take over him, Sasuke would come back that way; Sasuke would have the power he wanted to kill Itachi.

'I Love you, Sasuke.' He mouthed, knowing no one would see it; and that terrified him more than anything ever could.

**~This is a line break~**

"I see…" Lady Hokage folded her hands under her chin. "And so…?"

"We're not giving up." Naruto couldn't help but feel that he sounded braver then he felt… by a hundred fold; he was dying inside. Looking down to the wooden floor of the Hokage office he let Yamato tell the rest of the report and drifted off into his memories once more.

"Any casualties?"

"You should look at Naruto, Tsunade-sama." Naruto looked up, not in surprise but casually looked to his team mate.

"Why?" The two to his left looked at him with similar looks dumbfoundedness.

"Naruto," Sakura, the only one to his right, called his attention to her. "You were panting the whole way home, even when we stopped to sleep." He tilted his head to one side.

"No I didn't." He felt fine, Sasuke didn't hit any vital organs when he did the body chidori and even if he did Kyuubi would have healed it by now.

"Naruto, you're breathing heavier than normal right now." Sai pointed out the distracted ninja. Naruto blocked out everything and concentrated on his breathing and—and Sai was right. His breath was coming out slightly shaker than normal, like he just ran a lap around the Academy track at full speed. He noticed that his heart was beating abnormally as well and concentrated on slowing his breathing and making it look like he was just a tired worker.

"I'm fine, Sakura-chan, I'm just tired." Luckily, his voice showed how tired he was and the occupants in the room took it was physically exhausted not emotionally. He slowly opened his eyes and looked right into those of his superior; she looked worried.

"Really Baa-chan, I'm fine. I just need some sleep." Playing it up, he made his words take up a breathiness that only the dead tired had.

"If your breathing is abnormal in the morning I want you to report to me immediately." Her tone gave no room for argument and all Naruto did was nod in affirmation. Her shoulder relaxed and all she gave in return was a "Dismissed." And they left.

Naruto, as he was walking out of the Hokage's office, quickly started to make hand signs. Not giving them time to talk to him or even look his way before he teleported to his apartment. Once the smoke gave way he looked around and saw he was in the right place; his 'home'.

The place he didn't want to be.

With a scowl he threw off his clothes and headband before he picked up a plain white tee shirt and black pants. He threw them on in place of his orange jumper and grabbed the one object he knew he wouldn't be able to live without before he teleported away again.

Clutching said object to his body he watched and waited as the smoke lifted for the second time that hour and saw what he wanted to see.

He was now where he wanted to be.

The happiness he felt at looking at the scenery quickly faded away to leave a gaping hole in his chest; one he knew would be there. He picked up his foot and stepped onto the wooded porch then walked a few feet to the paper door. He looked at the white paper for a few moments; knowing he would be committing suicide if he stepped in the door, but he couldn't help himself—he HAD to go in.

Kicking off his shoes, he allowed one hand to let the object that he was clutching to move to the paper door and push it open. When it was open he quickly stepped in and shut the sliding door before clutching the object once more.

"Tadima," He called out into the dark room though he would get no response. He shuffled across the dusty floor; tracks in the dust proving to any who looked that he had been there before. Absentmindedly, Naruto followed the exact same path as the dust tracts and walked to the stairs.

His eyes adjusting to the darkness, he let one foot onto the first step and pushed his weight onto the first stair; then repeated the process onto the next step, then to the next. He felt the water in his eyes brim over and slide down his scared cheeks, dropping to the floor and leaving a water mark in the thick layer of dust.

That circular mark was the freshest of the small dots littering the dusty stair; in fact there were many circular marks, just like the one he created, littering the path he was walking.

Once he was on the top floor, Naruto turned to his left and walked passed a few closed doors to the only open one in the whole house. He stood in front of the door for a few moments, just looking at the agar door, than pushed it open with one hand.

What lay inside of the mysterious door was a plain room; a bed in one corner, a dresser in another, as well as a desk in the far left. Though this room was plain it would stand out in comparison to all of the others; because the room held not one speck of dust—A person lived in this plain room.

But there was one other thing that stood out about this room, just one. There was a picture of the intruder, albeit a few years younger, his pink haired teammate, his hurt sensei, and—and the love of his life—the owner of said room and picture. A blue journal lying innocently beside it, these two objects looked to be the only nick-knacks in the room.

Naruto, once again, threw his shirt off and reached in the dresser pulling out a shirt. He put the shirt to his nose, even though he knew what he was searching for wouldn't be there, and inhaled.

When he took the shirt away from his face there were darkened spots of blue, wet from tears.

He wiped the tears on his cheeks away, so he wouldn't wet the shirt as he put it over his head, and put the old piece of clothing on. It fit like a glove, tight but not too tight and loose enough he could move in it.

He walked over to the bed in the corner and grabbed the blanket before he slipped under it and into bed that he once shared with another warm body.

The sun was still up and high in the sky but Naruto, all he wanted to do was sleep; all of his body ached and if he stayed conscious any longer his mind might start to wonder into the thoughts of self harm, which he knew from experience, accomplished nothing because Kyuubi healed him too quickly; Kyuubi wouldn't even let him feel the pain. It was like taking a blade to an enemy; he couldn't—didn't—feel anything.

Closing his eyes he clutched the item in his hands tighter.

He knew why he was breathing heavier; it was no mystery to him. Half of him was gone, plain and simple; and he saw—_saw_—that other half today. How can he breathe normally again when he finally felt like he was breathing normally in the presence of Sasuke? He finally felt whole again and then it was gone; _again_.

"Sasuke," A sob escaped his throat and it echoed about the empty house but no one was there to hear.

"I love you, Sasuke." At that moment want Naruto needed—NEEDED—more than anything else was a response. A response to his cry, to his sob… to his life; and he never got one.

Clutching his most precious object he faded to black.

**~This is a line break~**

"Where are you going?" The person that the question was directed toward ignored the question and walked out of the dark, damp cave-like building and brought his hands up near his face. Making a few one-handed hand signs and let his chakra flow out of him and he – literally—disappeared into thin air.

When he re-opened his eyes he saw the picture he swore he would never look at again. Dropping his hand back down to his side he walked quietly to the opening of another structure; his footsteps sounded too loud in comparison to the silent area.

Walking in the structure, he didn't say a word as he slipped in like a shadow. He didn't know why he returned; something just told him he had to—that his life depended on it.

Keeping his shoes on his walked further in, taking in his surroundings and scowling. He hated this place; why else would he have left? Silently cursing the nagging feeling that was inside him he was about to turn and leave the cold building when something caught his eye.

Stepping over the thresh hold he was at the area that had caught his eye after two steps and looked to the floor. There was a trail—a breakage in the thick layer of dust—right in front of him; like someone had walked it recently.

He looked up, eyes following the trail, and saw it led to the back door. He then let his head turn the opposite direction—know the intruder came in from the paper door—and saw the path lead to the stairs.

Scowling once more he walked to the stairs he hadn't climbed in three years and set his foot on the first step—he was pissed. How dare this intruder think they can just come and invade his privacy like this? Before he fully let his body weight on the stair he saw the small, round breaks in the dust.

Someone was crying?

Looking up the stairs he finally took heed of his ninja skills and closed his eyes. He felt the glow of the person's chakra—their life source—a few rooms ahead; he let his body relax. The glow was a familiar one and one he was honestly surprised to feel but that didn't make him any less at ease.

Forgoing the civilian style of walking he used his ninja speed and was up the stairs and in the room where his friend's chakra was coming from. Leaning on the door frame he looked into his old bedroom, his eyes landing on the person he saw a few hours earlier.

Naruto….

There was his dope, sleeping in his bed, with his shirt on, tears streaming down his face… his old headband clutched in his hands.

His feet moving on his own, he walked over to the sleeping blond and just looked down on him—like a God looking over his children. He saw the look of pure agony on the blonde's face and the blood dripping down his hands from gripping the metal object too hard.

His lover… ex-lover… Naruto mouthed words in his sleep and Sasuke, before, always thought it was the most annoying fact of sleeping next to the demon holder but now… now it was his saving grace. He watched as his best friends mouthed the words that he knew he mouthed in the clearing, the words he didn't stay to hear.

'Sasuke…'

'Don't leave…'

'Teme…'

'Come back…'

'I need you…'

'I love you…'

Sasuke's breath caught watching his love, he could never let Naruto know he was here… he could never let him wake up while he watched. If he did, he knew he wouldn't leave again—he wouldn't leave Naruto again.

Looking up to see the photo of his old team he saw a notebook lying innocently beside it—it wasn't his. Reaching over Naruto's head he grabbed the object and looked at the cover; Naruto's chicken scratch loitered the cover. Smiling softly for the first time in almost three years he flipped open to the first page; just what was on his dope's mind?

**~This is a line break~**

_He looked at me today… _

I tell myself I'm in too deep, then I fall a little farther, every time he looks at me, Just look at me.

_He punched me today… _

I'm gonna tell smile and tell the whole world I'm fine. But deep down when no one can hear me, I'll cry for him. Why do I love him like I do?

_He smiled at me…_

I can't forget the way he looked at me, just to see him smile, I'd do anything that he wanted me to.

_He kissed me today… _

I kissed my boy, for the very first time. From the moment I saw you, you had my heart. I'll remember this moment until the end of time.

_He left me … _

I keep his photograph and I know it serves me well, I don't feel right when he's gone away, I wanna steal his pain away, I'm broken.

Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the stars gleam, the sun burns, but I'm dying without you.

I can't believe this is goodbye

_I dreamt of him last night…_

I've been here before. I've seen this room and I've walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew him. Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah .

It's not a cry you here at night, it's not someone whose seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken…

Hallelujah

_I don't know anything…_

Like breathing, now half of me is left. I don't know anything at all. Who am I to say he loves me. I don't know anything at all. Who am I to see he needs me.

Many moons have come and gone; don't know why I'm still searching.

_I realized I need him today… _

He fucking hates me, and I love it. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry. I love the way it hurts.

_I love him…_

**~This is a line break~**

Sasuke flipped the last page shut and looked at his dope. Not even looking he opened a scroll and made some seals, putting as little chakra as necessary into the summoning. When the object of choice was in his grasp he quickly, put it on his dope and stepped back when he groaned.

Naruto knew he was here.

Quickly, he scribbled something in the notebook before he took one last look at his dope. Unconsciously, he stepped forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before he vanished.

Naruto's body snapped up in bed when it told him something was off—no, that wasn't it—it told him something was _right_. What he didn't know is he was mere seconds too late.

"Sasuke…"

He shook his head and scolded himself internally; this wasn't the first time this had happened. He always thought Sasuke was there, watching over him but when he woke up he forced himself to face reality.

Looking down to his lap he noticed a few extra things had ended up lying next to him—another one of Sasuke's shirts and his notebook.

When did he put them there?

Picking up the journal, he was about to set it back in its rightful place when he noticed something wrong—a page was wrinkled. Opening the book, he went to fix the page and thought this was as good a time as ever to add another entry.

He grabbed the pen Sasuke kept in his drawer and flipped open to the page that had been slightly damaged, preparing to write on the day's events. Scanning the page to where he left off the pen fell out of his hand and dropped with a 'thump' onto the hardwood floor.

His hands automatically when to cover his mouth in attempt to keep his sobs from materializing though his body shook from the force of them. Tears that he had cried all day were coming back with a vengeance and cried like he never had in his life.

_I love you too, dope_

_I hate feeling like this, I'm asleep and all I dream of it waking to you, my demons lay and waiting tempting me away. Oh, how I need you. You take the pain I feel. _

_I will come back. Just for you. _

Naruto quickly grabbed the shirt lying next to him and inhaled—it smelled like Sasuke.


End file.
